BOOK REVIEW: MY TEMPORARY DAUGHTER, BY IAN LEES

My Temporary Daughter: Searching for Life in Unpopular Grief, by Ian Lees, published by TellWell Talent, 13 June 2025

My Temporary Daughter is a father’s memoir on suddenly and unexpectedly losing his 34-year-old daughter in 2021. It had my eyes stinging right from the Prologue which describes how Ian Lees indicates to the ICU that Katie’s life support is to be switched off. Rarely can writing take you so swiftly right into such intense emotion.

I read this book in two days, marvelling at what a gift this father has to honour his daughter’s memory in such a way. It’s not just a book about Katie’s untimely and controversial death nor about the love of a father for his daughter, it is a commentary on what was happening in Australia throughout 2021, as well as the author’s existential journey as he breaks down all of his old beliefs and reluctantly continues with a life that he barely recognises.

Whilst I have spent much of the past four and a half years myself immersed in the world of the vaccine-injured, it has only been Ian’s writing that has truly illuminated the realities of losing someone to VITT. It wasn’t just the biological detail that hit me, but the reality of being a family member not allowed to accompany a loved one to hospital was hard to swallow. I found myself swearing out loud when he was only allowed to visit his daughter for one hour a day while she was in a coma. What happened to our sense of humanity during that time? 

I was full of admiration for his bravery in admitting his own vulnerabilities, many of which I could relate to. I too remember looking at “normal” people and wondering how they could go about their daily lives, the anger I felt when triggered by what I felt was a lack of sensitivity to my suffering, and that disconnection with society when it opened up again. It is the little details he shares that those inhabiting the world of the injured and bereaved will clearly remember, but few of us can imagine what it must be like to receive a sympathy card with a stamp saying, “Get Vaccinated” when a vaccine necessitated the sending of such a card. I feel that the true impact of this book will only be felt much, much later when future generations reflect on the context within which vaccine-related bereavement was experienced. 

But somehow Ian Lees manages for it not to be a depressing read. It is full of beautiful words of wisdom, pleading “when the ‘other’ speaks, open your heart and mind and listen,” and possibly my favourite part of the book, when he talks about how he now pauses when saying goodbye to the people he loves … “Just in case.” My Temporary Daughter is a book offering lessons in how to speak to someone after loss: “Nothing you can say will hurt any more than what I am hurting now. But what does hurt is saying nothing.” I feel like this book can provide guidance to anyone who feels helpless as they watch someone struggle through grief. And It can provide unexpected inspiration.

For it is also a book of celebration of Katie’s life and spirit. He speaks of his daughter’s “otherworldliness” as if she “didn’t fully belong in human existence.” By his account, Katie was an empath, like so many other people I have come across in the vaccine-injured and -bereaved community, which leads me yet again to wonder whether there is something about such highly sensitive people that puts us at higher risk of harm.

Ian’s book is about Katie’s death but it is about her life too, and I find his words have the potential to inspire us all to live a full life just like Katie did during her thirty four years. I thank him for sharing the life that she had, and hope that we may all become better people because of his bravery in writing so beautifully about his devastating loss.

My Temporary Daughter: Searching for Life in Unpopular Grief, by Ian Lees, published by TellWell Talent, 13 June 2025, ISBN 978-1998482658, is available on Amazon and at the author’s website at https://ianlees.com.au.